Re: Copeza mendimesh....
I keep searching for a way to relieve my pain that I feel when I look at nature and the horizon and sky; I keep fearing the world, trying to embrace it and the religion which nature has become to me, nature, the only religion I have ever cherished...but there's a longing. It shoots up in my stomach and laps up against my glands, and my face tingles. The trees blow and colors are clear and fiercely spring.
Disappear, happy couples holding hands; away with hormones; away with messy rooms; slamming doors; homework; math; sickness; calories; away with the dumpsters of teenhood.
The weather is perfect, and when I look outside or am outside I am overcome with acute longing for something indescribable. WHAT is it that I want? I feel as though I'm a blind hunter. Do I need love? A soul mate-best friend? Medicine? Distraction? Food? Water? A massage? Reincarnation? A new soul, like one of the awesome, always confident ones on sale at fine drug stores? Do I need to cry and cry and then feel better? Do I need hugs? Kisses? A tune-up on my dad?
I don't know what I want. My sensitivity is up, my guard is halfway down, and I don't care if my mascara is smeared or what the hell I look like.
All I know is that I'm longing...for something...and all I can do is wrap my arms around this world, this life, this soul, even if it's a lot to take in and love and accept...