Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

[b.k.]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Fillimisht postuar nga Hermes:
[qb] Lara, nje tjeter :

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

* two Italian men and one Italian woman

* two French men and one French woman

* two German men and one German woman

* two Greek men and one Greek woman

* two English men and one English woman

* two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman

* two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

* two Chinese men and one Chinese woman

* two American men and one American woman

* two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later on these stunning islands, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.

The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining

The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.


P.S. Darien, nice one :wave: [/qb]

duket se paragjykimet mbi vende te ndryshme qenkan te njejta kudo :lol: :lol:

 

[gurax]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Transvestite, n:
Someone who likes to be outgoing, public and Mary.


------------
"If you consistently take an antagonistic approach, however, people are going to start thinking you're from New York."
-- Larry Wall to Dan Bernstein

 

[gurax]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Seems like there were these two dogs in a vet's waiting room, each eyeing
the other suspiciously. One of them turns to the other.
"What are you here for?" he asks.
"Well," replies the other, "I was feeling really bad the other day,
and Master's six year old son started bothering me. I tried to ignore it,
but I was feeling so rotten that I bit his hand."
"Yeah, I now what you mean. So, what are you here for?"
"Erm ... well ... Master reckons that I'm too vicious, so I'm going
to be ... you know ... I'm going to have the *operation*."
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry," sympathised the first dog.
Time passed. The about-to-be-neutered dog coughed politely.
"So," he asked, "What are you in here for?"
"Oh, nothing really," the other replied, embarrassed.
"Go on, I told you, it *can't* be as bad!"
"OK. Well, it's like this. The b*tch next door was in heat, and so
I was feeling, you know, a bit randy. Then Mistress came into the kitchen
wearing a short skirt and no underwear, and she bent over. I just couldn't
resist it!" admitted the dog.
"Oh! So you're here for the operation too!"
"No," came the reply, "I'm here to have my nails clipped!"


-----------------
"New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the arse-hole of the universe."
-- Jonathan Michael Smith

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A cute young woman was giving a manicure to a man in the barber shop. The man said, "How about a date later?"

"I'm married," she answered.

With a wink he said, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends."

"Tell him yourself," she said, "he's shaving you."

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead!

 

[Engjell dhe Djall]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Fillimisht postuar nga Darien:
[qb] The Classes Most Women Want their Men to Take

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? Round-table discussion.
3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.
5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. Helpline and support groups.
6. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
7. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
8. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
9. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
10. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions offered.

[/qb]

 

[alpacino]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Burri nga GJermania i thote gruas ne itali "ketu jam poshte xeros,ben ftohte"
DHe e shoqja: ketu jam poshte njerit dhe ndjem shum mire". :wink:

 

[gurax]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

The old mailman is making his last rounds; he retires at the end of the week. As he approaches the Jones' house, Mrs. Jones greets him warmly at
the door. "Please come in! We're very grateful for your years of service to us and our neighborhood. I've prepared something special for you."
In walks the mailman, to a graciously appointed dining room, where Mrs. Jones has prepared a sumptuous lunch. After dumping his letter satchel on the couch, he and Mrs. Jones have a charming meal. As the mailman finished his last glass of wine, thanking his hostess profusely, she stops him from leaving and disappears upstairs. She returns in a moment, in a daring negligee, and takes the astonished postman to the bedroom, where the elaborate farewell is consummated between the sheets.
As he's putting his pants on, Mrs. Jones reaches into her nightstand, pulls out a dollar bill, and hands it to him. Reacting to his astonished
look, she says, "Well, I told my husband that you were retiring and that we should do something for you. He said 'F*ck him. Give him a dollar!'"
She pauses and smiles proudly. "The lunch was MY idea."


--------------
"Have I told you lately..."

 

[alinos]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

..."December 14

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real
Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure.
Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,
Agnes




December 15

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two
turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.

All my love,
Agnes




December 16

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just
darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,
Agnes




December 17

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they
are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are
being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes





December 18

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings,
one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my
nerves.

All my love,
Agnes




December 19

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese
laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh?
These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors
are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please
stop.

Cordially,
Agnes




December 20

John:

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a
swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all
over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at
night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those
freaking birds.

Sincerely,
Agnes





December 21

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with
8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8
maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is
manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just
lay off me, smartass.

Agnes




December 22

Hey Shithead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing
those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are
getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching
birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a
petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !
Agnes




December 23

You rotten prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those
sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long.

Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living
room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has
subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be
condemned.

I'm calling the police on you !
Agnes




December 24

Listen Fuckhead:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and
ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers
ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the
cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been
trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you
rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes





December 25

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers
fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss
Agnes McHolstein.

The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should
come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss
McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been
instructed to shoot you on sight.

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,
Law Offices of Badger Bender & Chole

..."

 

[ilirjan]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Barcaleta jane keta? keni shfletu te gjitha librat e botes, barcalet shqip , origjinale din kush? se barcaleta po qe e ndigjume ska kuptim fare.
Po ju them une nji barcalete, sbesoj ta dini;
Lenka Cuka ministria e bujqesise ne kohen e "pordhes" shkon tek radiotelevizioni shqiptar per te marre vesh e para cfare kohe (Moti) do kishte te nesermen , futet ne zyren e atij qe jepte kohen, dhe i thote, nuk me pritet, jam ne merak per kooperativistet se cfare kohe do kete neser,
-Profesor cfare kohe do kemi neser?
dhe nderkohe leshon nje "pordhe"pa zhurme por te qelbur,
-Shoqja ministre, thote profesori, sipas eres neser do te bjere MUT.

 

[Hermesss]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

COME RENDERE FELICE UNA DONNA...

Per rendere felice una donna occorre solo essere:
1. Amico
2. compagno
3. amante
4. fratello
5. padre
6. maestro
7. educatore
8. cuoco
9. carpentiere
10. idraulico
11. meccanico
12. decoratore d'interni
13. stilista
14. sessuologo
15. ginecologo/ostetrico
16. psicologo
18. psichiatra
19. terapeuta
20. audace
21. organizzato
22. buon padre
23. molto pulito
24. simpatico
25. atletico
26. affettuoso
27. attento
28. cavaliere
29. intelligente
30. fantasioso
31. creativo
32. dolce
33. forte
34. comprensivo
35. tollerante
36. prudente
37. ambizioso
38. capace
39. coraggioso
40. deciso
41. affidabile
42. rispettoso
43. appassionato
44. complimentoso
45. uno che ama far compere
46. uno che non fa problemi
47. molto ricco
48. non un peso
49. uno che non guarda le altre

ALLO STESSO TEMPO DEVI FARE ATTENZIONE A:
50. non essere geloso, ma nemmeno disinteressato
51. andar d'accordo con la sua famiglia, ma non dedicarle più tempo che a lei
52. darle il suo spazio, ma mostrarsi preoccupato per dove va

INOLTRE E' MOLTO IMPORTANTE:
53. Non dimenticare le date di:
- anniversario (nozze, fidanzamento, primo incontro...)
- laurea
- onomastico
- mestruazioni

Purtroppo anche osservare perfettamente queste istruzioni non vi dà la garanzia al 100% della sua felicità, perché lei potrebbe sentirsi sommersa da una vita di soffocante perfezione e fuggire con il primo "figlio-di-buona-donna-bohemien-ubriaco-e-gran-viveur" che incontra...

Dev'essere per questo che Dio (bontà sua...) disse:
"Amala!" Ma non disse mai: Comprendila!!!!!"


COME RENDERE FELICE UN UOMO...

1. Dargliela
2. Non rompergli i coglioni

 

[personazh]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

:lol:

Gjeografia e femrës

Në moshën prej 18 deri në 20 vjeç femra është si
Afrika - e egër, e bukur dhe me shumë zona misterioze
dhe te pavizituara;

Midis 21 dhe 30 vjetësh femra është si Amerika - e
zhvilluar dhe e hapur, sidomos për të pasurit;

Midis 31 dhe 35 vjetësh femra është si India -
sensuale, e qete dhe me plot besim në bukurinë e vet;

Në moshën prej 36 deri në 40 vjeç femra është si
Franca - e shijshme, e pjekur dhe mbetet nji pjesë e
botës që vizitohet me kënaqësi;

Midis 41 dhe 50 vjetësh femra është si Jugosllavia -
lufta është humbur, kurse dëmet e së kaluarës kanë
lënë gjurmë të thella;

Midis 51 dhe 60 vjetësh femra është si Rusia - e
shkatërruar, pa kontroll dhe nuk i përfill vizitorët;

Në moshën midis 61 dhe 70 vjetësh femra është si
Mongolia - me të kaluar të pasur dhe me fitore shumë
të mëdha, por pa ardhmëri;

Mbas moshës 70 vjeçe femra është si Afganistani -
çdokush e di ku është, mirëpo nuk e viziton askush.


Gjeografia e mashkullit

Midis 15 dhe 70 vjetësh mashkulli është si Amerika *
udhëhiqet nga një kastravec.

 

[xhaxhi_eli]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Come si kiama un playboy in pensione?
Gustavo La Fica

Sai perchè l'OSSO SACRO si kiama così??
Perchè assiste alle MESSE in culo!!!

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses.

"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,

"What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"


ja dhe në shqip
Një njeri zemërmirë kishte dalë xhiro te Parku Qendror në Nju Jork dhe u çudit kur pa një burrë të moshuar që peshkonte pranë ca trëndafilave të kuq.

- Sa për të ardhur keq, - mendoi. - I shkreti plak po peshkon te lulet. Të shoh një herë mbase e ndihmoj.

Dhe kështu zemërmiri i afrohet plakut dhe pyet, - Ç'po bën or mik?
- Po peshkoj.
- Peshkon, ë? Po sikur ta lësh pak peshkimin dhe të vish ta pimë një gotë bashkë?

E lë kallamin mënjanë xhaja dhe shkon në klub me të panjohurin zemërmirë. Atje porosit dy dopio vodkë dhe një puro të shtrenjtë.

I panjohuri që qerasi është i kënaqur që ka bërë një të mirë dhe pyet, - Më trego o mik, ke zënë gjë sot?
- Posi jo, - përgjigjet xhaja ngadalë tek thith gjithë qejf cigaren dhe lëshon një shtëllungë tymi në formë rrethi. - Ti je i gjashti sot.

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

When an applicant asked if the company had a fitness program, the human resources manager replied,
"Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely
jumping to conclusions,
flying off the handle,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
dodging responsibility,
passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
pulling strings,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
stabbing others in their backs,
and pushing their luck!"

 

[Hermesss]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Che differenza c'è?

Il seno di una donna e un trenino elettrico?
Nessuna, sono fatti tutti e due per i bambini, ma ci
giocano i grandi!

Un cardinale che fa all'amore con Miss Italia e tu che
fai all'amore con Miss Italia?
Se lo fa il Cardinale è un peccato, se lo fai tu è un
miracolo!

Un elefante indiano e uno africano?
3000 kilometri.

Un oste e uno stronzo?
L'oste mesce il vino, lo stronzo m'esce dal culo.

Un pneumatico e un negro?
Il pneumatico, quando Gli metti le catene, non
comincia a cantare!

Un teologo e un carabiniere?
Il teologo è uno studioso di Dio, il carabiniere è un
ignorante della madonna!

Un topo e una suora?
Il topo con una scopata l'ammazzi,la suora con una
scopata la
resusciti!

Una bara e un preservativo?
Nella bara c'è uno che se ne sta andando, nel
preservativo uno che sta venendo.

Una donna incinta e un arrosto bruciato?
Nessuna, in ogni caso bisognava toglierlo prima!

Una vedova e una carota?
Nessuna, tutte e due hanno il manico sotto terra!

L'amore e il cancro?
Il cancro è per sempre.

Un messicano vestito e uno nudo?
Il messicano vestito dice: "Hasta la vista!",mentre
quello nudo dice: "Vista la hasta?".

Una bionda ed una Ferrari?
La Ferrari non si presta agli amici.

Una bionda ed una palla da bowling?
Nessuna. Sono entrambe rotonde ed hanno tre buchi con
i quali
gingillarsi.

Un albero ed un amico?
Se secca l'albero si taglia, se secca l'amico si
pianta.

La donna e lo specchio?
La donna parla senza riflettere, lo specchio riflette
senza parlare.

Una bionda e un Jumbo Jet?
Non tutti sono andati con un Jumbo jet.

Una bionda e una tartaruga?
Nessuna perchè sdraiate sulla pancia sono fottute.

Palle e coglioni?
Palle sono quelle che si raccontano, coglioni sono
quelli che ci credono!

Un atleta e un domatore sadico di scimmie?
Nessuna, ambedue battono i primati.

Un padre di famiglia e un libertino?
Il primo ama i piaceri della casa, il secondo le case
di piacere.

Una Ferrari e la moglie?
La Ferrari non se la fanno in molti

Tra un c.a.z.z.o e un albero?
Nessuna a tutti e due basta una sega per buttargli giu


Tra una colomba e la donna?
La colomba è l'uccello della pace, la donna la pace
dell'uccello.

Tra l'AIDS e Bin Laden?
L'AIDS lo prendi col c.a.z.z.o, Bin Laden col c.a.z.z.o che lo
prendi.

La verginità di una donna e una briciola?
Nessuna, basta un uccello per portarle via entrambe!

 

[personazh]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

/pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

perchè il cervello delle donne ha le dimensioni di una palla da ping-pong?
perchè é gonfio!

perchè i carabinieri corrono sempre con una mano davanti al berretto?
perchè hanno paura che la fiamma si spenga!

perchè gli uomini sono come li spermatozoi?
perchè uno su un milione é utile!

perchè le batterie sono meglio dei uomini?
perchè almeno hanno un lato positivo!

/pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Fillimisht postuar nga Iola:
since light travels faster than light
people appears bright until you hear them speak

since light travels faster than sound
people appear bright until you hear them speak

Fillimisht postuar nga Iola:
save water
shower with your girlfriend

great idea

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Tour of London

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cabby explained what it was and that construction started in 1346 and it was completed in 1412.

The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

The cab passed the House of Parliament next, the cabby stating that it started construction in 1544 and was completed 1618.

"Boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"

As they passed Westminster Abbey the cabby was silent.

"Whoa! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

"Darned if I know, wasn't there yesterday..."

 

[Hermesss]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

> In mare, nel corso di una notte buia e senza luna,una
> motovedetta dei CARABINIERI avvista una luce di fronte a se in
> rapido avvicinamento. I carabinieri, prontamente,
> con il faro
> di segnalazione in linguaggio morse intimano:
> "VIRATE DALLA NOSTRA ROTTA!"
La risposta, sempre in segnali
> luminosi morse,
> e' immediata: "VIRATE VOI!"...
> Sorpresi dalla risposta, i carabinieri ripetono l'intimazione:
> "SIAMO UNA MOTOVEDETTA DEI CARABINIERI, VIRATE DALLA NOSTRA ROTTA!"
> La risposta è di nuovo la stessa: "VIRATE VOI!"...
> La comunicazione luminosa si fa serrata: "SONO IL MARESCIALLO DE PASQUALE, DELLA MOTOVEDETTA DEI CARABINIERI, VIRATE DALLA NOSTRA ROTTA!"
La risposta è ancora quella: "VIRATE VOI!!!"
> Il tenente decide di prendere in mano la situazione:
> "SONO IL TENENTE LO MORNO, COMANDANTE DELLA MOTOVEDETTA DEI CARABINIERI, SE NON VIRATE DALLA NOSTRA ROTTA APRIAMO IL FUOCO!"
> A questo punto la risposta cambia: "SONO GIUSEPPE, IL GUARDIANO DEL FARO. FATE UN PO' COME CAVOLO VI PARE!"

.............


Una coppia è nello Zoo e passano davanti alla gabbia di un gorilla
maschio.
"Marco" dice la donna "Sapevi che i gorilla sono gli animali piú simili
all'essere umano in relazione al loro comportamento?"
Guarda, adesso gli mostro una tetta, approfittando che non c'è tanta
gente, é sicuro che si ecciterà come un uomo"
Maria gli mostra una tetta e il gorilla inizia in effetti ad eccitarsi
E a muovere le sbarre della gabbia.
"Vedi!" dice la donna "Adesso mi rendo conto perché sei cosí, gli uomini
non riescono a controllare i propri istinti, cosí come i gorilla".
Marco gli dice "adesso mostragli tutte e due le tette, vediamo cosa
succede".
La donna gli mostra le due tette e il gorilla si eccita ancora di piú
e diventa disperato per uscire.
Marco aggiunge "Incredibile come reagisce il gorilla, adesso tira sú la
gonna e mostragli il sedere".
La donna tira sú la gonna e gli mostra il sedere. A questo punto il
gorilla completamente pazzo rompe le sbarre della gabbia, prende la
donna e la inizia a svestire
"Marco!! Cosa faccio!? Aiuto!!"

E Marco le dice "Adesso spiegagli a questo c.a.zz.o di gorilla ...

............. Che non hai voglia
............. Che ti fa male la testa
............. Che sei stanca
............. Che ti fa male la gola
............. Che oggi hai lavorato taaaaaaaaannnto.
............. Che cosí presto no.
............. Che è un po' tardi.
............. Che ti capisca come donna.
............. Che sei depressa
............. Che sei in uno di quei giorni difficili
............. Che hai avuto una settimana difficile
............. Che ti abbracci solo
............. Che sei un po' tesa
............. Che domani devi alzarti presto.
............. Che oggi ti sei alzata troppo presto
............. Che hai camminato come una pazza e hai i piedi a pezzi
............. Che oggi ti senti di dare e ricevere solo coccole
............. Che sei un pò tesa e vorresti solo un pò di massaggi e relax
............. Che vorresti guardare quel film
............. Che oggi sei andata dal parrucchiere e non ti puoi muovere.


Vediamo se capisce...