Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

[Anana]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you
see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make
mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg
cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint
conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave
on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa
cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a
small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the
bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along
the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo'
sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire
the size of your wiener and scratch your *** .

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water
rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at
how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates &
surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor
because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light
and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her
and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.


If there is anyone one among you who did not laugh at
the truth behind this email, there is something so
very wrong with you.

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "They don't serve beer here, you moron!"

The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"

 

[AnaBlue]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

It could happen...

> >Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when
> >Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead
> >at the table.
> >
> >Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing
> >standing up.
> >
> >Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell the wife?"
> >
> >They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be
> >discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
> >
> >"Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion
is
> >my middle name, leave it to me."
> >
> >Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment, knocks on the door.
> >
> >The wife answers and asks what he wants.
> >
> >Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come
home."
> >
> >The wife says, "Tell him to drop dead!"
> >
> >"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.

 

[dirty_bastard]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

nje cun i ri vete tek doktori edhe e pyet: ky shoky poshte ka nje jave qe me rri ngref, si tia bej qe te ulet? doctori peshtyn dy gishtat edhe i bie shokut te ketij cunit dhe nje mize fluturon jashte. cuni i gezuar e falenderon doctorin edhe i thote: me se mund ta shperblej kete te mire? doctori i thote: po e kape ate fluturen per mua jemi te lare

 

[dirty_bastard]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

nje cift po benin dashuri ne natyre por papritur nje blete hyn ne sexin e gruas. te dy vene tek doktori dhe i shpjegojne ca ndodhi. doctori i thote burrit :me lejen tende mund ta nxjerr bleten. nga ku ka hyre. po si thote burri: doktori e lyen sexin e tij me mjalte dhe i thote burrit se do e fuse ne sexin e gruas se bleta e do mjaltin dhe del burri i shkrete pohon dhe doktori e fut ne vrime . pas 1 minute doktori e shpejton veprimin por burri e pyet i habitur: ca ben keshtu ere? doktori thote: e nderrova mendjen, do e mbys ate dreq blete

 

[alinos]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Obsession


A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said,
"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter
Candy."
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name,
Penny."
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too,
manifests itself in your child's name,
Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by
the hand and whispers.
"Come on, D*ck , we're leaving."

/pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

p.s. Ylli ashti -i-. E ndrrova se kshu asht kur e ke forumin puritan :goofy:

 

[Kordelja]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

To The Wrong Wife

This was apparently voted the best e-mail joke in Australia in 2001.

An E-Mail To The Wrong Wife
----------------------------
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last Winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.

They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.

Unfortunately there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate,and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold.

The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.

He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.

His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.

Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

-------------------------------------------------
Dearest wife, Departed yesterday as you know.
Just now got checked in.
Some confusion at the gate.
Appeal was denied.
Received confirmation of your Arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.

P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

 

[Kordelja]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Hear about the blonde who.............................?

* Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight...........?

* Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope...........?

* Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter...........?

* Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months. The box had said "2 to 4 years."..........?

* Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out...........?

* Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button...........?

* When asked what the capital of California was, answered "C."..........?

* Can't make KoolAid because eight cups of water won't fit into one of those little packets...........?

* Got hurt when she fell out of the tree while raking leaves...........?

* Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "Good up to 20 pounds."..........?

* After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms...........? (HAHAHAHA)

* What goes "vroomscreechvroomscreech"?
A blonde at a flashing red light...........?

* Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain, and the top is down."..........?

 

[MICHELLE]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A man takes the day off work and
>decides to go out golfing.
>He is on the second hole when he
>notices a frog sitting next to
>the green.
>He thinks nothing of it and is
>about to shoot when he
>hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."
>
>The man looks around and doesn't
>see anyone. Again, he
>hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
>at the frog and decides to
>prove the frog wrong, puts the
>club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
>Boom!
>He hits it 10 inches from the
>cup. He is shocked. He says
>to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
>You must be a lucky frog, eh?
>
>The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
>The man decides to take the frog
>with him to the next hole.
>"What do you think frog?" the
>man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
>
>The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
>Boom! Hole in one. The
>man is befuddled and doesn't know
>what to say. By the end
>of the day, the man golfed the
>best game of golf in his life and
>asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
>The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
>
>" They go to Las Vegas
>and the guy says, "OK frog, now
>what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
>approaching the roulette table, The man
>asks, "What do you think I should
>bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
>$3000, black 6."
>
>Now, this is a
>million-to-one shot to win, but
>after the golf game the man
>figures what the heck.
>Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
>
>The man takes his winnings and
>buys the best room in the
>hotel. He sits the frog down and
>says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
>You've won me all this money and
>I am forever grateful."
>The frog replies,
>
>"Ribbit Kiss Me."
>He figures why not,
>since after all the frog did for
>him, he deserves it.
With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that,

your honor, is how the girl
ended up in my room.. So help me God
or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

 

[MICHELLE]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

____________________________________________
Woman Dentist

''I would like to see a woman dentist,'' said the first man. ''Why?'' asked his friend.

''Because it would be a pleasure to have a woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut up.'''






Latex Gloves

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms.


A Group Of Four Very Close Friends

There was a dentist, an electrician, a salesperson, and a carpenter that met everyday for breakfast at a low income diner. They were all married except the salesman. When he was married, he went on his honeymoon with his wife. The other three still met for breakfast when he was gone. An idea came up to play some practical jokes on the new married person.
"I'll make his bed slant so his bed will collapse when he is making love," said the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so that he'll feel immence heat while making love.'
"Those are good ideas," said the dentist. "But I am not going to tell you what I'm going to do.'
The next day the salesman comes into the diner. He says "I congratulate you guys for making my bed collapse, and I thank you for making my bed really hot, but I'm going to kill the bastard who put novocaine in the vaseline."






Dentist

A woman met a man at a club and went back to his place for sex. Afterward, she said “You must be a good dentist.†He replied, “How did you know I'm a dentist.†She said, “I didn't feel a thing.â€


Tooth Pulling

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
__________________________________
My Dog Named Sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."

 

[MICHELLE]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

The 5th Floor

A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they
see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads
"For Women Only". Since they were without their
boyfriends, they decide to go in.


The Doorman, a very attractive guy,
explains to them how it works....."We have 5 floors...
go up floor by floor, and once you find what
you are looking for, you can stay there." "It's
easy to decide, since each floor has
signs telling you what's inside."


So they start going up, and on the first floor
the sign reads "All the men here are horrible
lovers, but they are sensitive and kind"... the
friends laugh and without hesitation
move on to the next floor.


The sign on the Second floor reads "All the
men here are wonderful lovers,but they generally
treat women badly". This wasn't going to do.


So the friends move up to the Third floor
where the sign read "All the men here are great
lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."


This was good but there were still two more floors,
so, on to the Fourth floor, the sign was perfect.
"All the men here have perfect builds;
are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect
lovers; they are also single, rich and straight"

The women seemed pleased but they decide
that they would rather see what the fifth floor has
to offer before they settle for the fourth.


When they reach the Fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads:
"There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove
that there is no way to please a woman."
________________________________
Phone Solicitation gone wrong -

> I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the
phone> rang. Jo nga une though
>
> ME: Hello.
>
> AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T ...
>
> ME: Is this AT&T.?
>
> AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
>
> ME: This is AT&T.?
>
> AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
>
> ME: Is this AT&T.?
>
> AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.Byron, please.?
>
> ME: May I ask who is calling.?
>
> AT&T: This is AT&T.
>
> ME: Ok, hold on.
>
> At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking
that,
> surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much
to
> my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
>
> ME: Hello.?
>
> AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron.?
>
> ME: May I ask who is calling, please.?
>
> AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
>
> ME: This is AT&T.?
>
> AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
>
> ME: The phone company.?
>
> AT&T: Yes, sir.
>
> ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
>
> AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
>
> ME: I already have a phone.
>
> AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to
offer
> you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
>
> ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
>
> AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes,
sir,
> that's right! 24 hours a day!
>
> ME: 7 days a week.?
>
> AT&T: That's right.
>
> ME: 365 days a year.?
>
> AT&T: Yes, sir.
>
> ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
>
> AT&T: We think so!
>
> ME: That's quite a sum of money!
>
> AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
>
> ME: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big
one
> at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual
> check, can I get a cash advance.?
>
> AT&T: Excuse me.?
>
> ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
>
> AT&T: What are you talking about.?
>
> ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7
days a
> week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and
> $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be
making
> payment.
>
> AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10
cents
> a minute.
>
> ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll
give me
> 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some
kind
> of subliminal telemarketing scheme.? I've read about things like this
in
> the Enquirer, you know.
>
> AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for ...
>
> ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please.?
>
> AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
>
> ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor.!
>
> AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
>
> At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
>
> SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron.?
>
> ME: Yeth.?
>
> SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents
a
> minute program.
>
> ME: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth.?
>
> SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
>
> ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I
could do
> to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a
snort.)
> No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me
so
> that I could sign up for the plan.
>
> SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was
> helping you.
>
> ME: Thank you.
>
> I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to
end
> this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice
at
> the other end of the phone.
>
> AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing
up
> for our plan.?
>
> ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family"
> thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little
> brother...
>
> AT&T: click........


___________________________________-

 

[MICHELLE]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

>>>>>>***GIRL'S FIRST TIME!!! (Assume you are a girl if
>>>>>>you are a boy)
>>>>>>
>>>>>>It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles
>>>>>>tighten.
>>>>>>You put him off for a while searching for an
>>>>>excuse,
>>>>>>but he refuses to be
>>>>>>swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're
>>>>>>afraid and you shake your head
>>>>>>bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the
>>>>>>first time his finger has
>>>>>>found the right place. He probes deeply and you
>>>>>>shiver; your body tenses; but
>>>>>>he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to
>>>>>>trust him - he's done this
>>>>>>many times before.His cool smile relaxes you and
>>>>>you
>>>>>>open wider to give him
>>>>>>more room for an easy entrance.You begin to plead
>>>>>>and beg him to hurry, but
>>>>>>he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as
>>>>>>little pain as possible.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>As he presses closer,going deeper, you feel the
>>>>>>tissue give way; pain surges
>>>>>>throughout your body and you feel the slight
>>>>>trickle
>>>>>>of blood as he
>>>>>>continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you
>>>>>if
>>>>>>it's too painful.
>>>>>>Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your
>>>>>>head and nod for him
>>>>>>to go on.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>He begins going in and out with skill but you are
>>>>>>now too numb to feel him
>>>>>>within you. After a few moments, you feel
>>>>>something
>>>>>>bursting within you and
>>>>>>he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
>>>>>>have it over. He looks at
>>>>>>you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle;
>>>>>>that you have been his
>>>>>>most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it
>>>>>was
>>>>>>your first time to have a
>>>>>>tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! wonder what you
>>>>>were
>>>>>>thinkin'...........
>>>>>>!!!!! LOL! LMAO!
>>>>>>
>>>>>>I know what you were thinking!
_____________________________________________
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"
*******************************************


A woman was standing in the lobby of a hotel. A man walked by and hit her in the boob with his elbow. " Ouch! " cried the woman. " I’m sorry, but if your heart is as soft as your boob, you will forgive me." " Yes, but if your **** is as hard as your elbow, meet me in room 89."


****************************
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end of it?
A. So man can be open minded.
****************************
Q. Why is sperm donation more expensive than blood donation?
A. Because its hand made.
********************************************8
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes, the old man cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and says, “ Sir if you put
a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today
**********************************888
A guy and a girl met at a restaurant. They're getting along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands.
He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
So the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!"
The guy all surprised says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?"
The girl replies: "Easy, you keep washing your hands".
One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The guy was very very surprised, he says: "Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl says: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing."

 

[Hermesss]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Weird sex laws:

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the
> animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
> punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense)
>
> In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but Is
> prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may
> only see their reflection in a mirror.
>
> Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This Also
> applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered
> with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
>
> The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which
> head?)
>
> There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and
> deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for
> the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for
> virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute. Is there any job
> anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
>
> In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
> husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
> the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
>
> Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in Tropical
> fish stores. (But of course!)
>
> In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
> first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the
> act. (Makes one shudder at the thought)
>
> In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman
> and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough
> problem that they had to pass this law?)
>
> In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines, with one
> exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in
> places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the
> premises." (Is this a great country or what? ... But not as great as
> Guam!)
>

 

[Eni_883]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Fillimisht postuar nga Hermes:
[qb] Weird sex laws:

> In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
> husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
> the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
>
[/qb]

So darling when are we moving to Hong KOng ??? /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A scary story

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The thunder was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.

The man, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. He looked at the road and saw a curve ahead. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The man, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

He gathered his strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the man was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two men walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing it."

 

[Hermesss]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Fillimisht postuar nga Eni_883:
[qb]

Fillimisht postuar nga Hermes:
[qb] Weird sex laws:

> In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
> husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
> the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
>
[/qb]

So darling when are we moving to Hong KOng ??? /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif [/qb]

My darling,
Se pari ti e di qe une jam burre besnik.. edhe pse ishe/je larg, kurre s'te kam tradhetuar... give or take a night or two :devil:
Se dyti, nqs vertet ke vendosur te besh ate qe thua se do te besh... a mund te shkoj fillimisht per nja 2 jave me pushime andej nga Guam? stresi i punes.. e kupton vete ti... /pf/images/graemlins/wink.gif Dhe qe ta meritoj plotesisht mbytjen nga duart e tua, bileten e kthimit ndoshta do ta pres te tille qe te vij nga Liverpooli /pf/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Baci :kiss:

 

[alinos]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need... = I want.

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = I need to complain

7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to

8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead

11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive

15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like


MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question

8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you

13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins

14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to
have sex with you.

15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay


/pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[alinos]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people
are stranded: * 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
* 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
* 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
* 2 New Zealander men and 1 New Zealander woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
* 2 American men and 1 American woman

One month later, the following things have occurred...

* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

* The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.

* The two German men keep a strict weekly schedule of when each is allowed to
spend time with the German woman.

*The two Greek men have the Greek woman cooking and cleaning for them.

* The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English
woman.

* The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the
Polish woman and they started swimming.

* The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

* The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian
woman, who is busy checking out all the other men.

* Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep to clothe their
women.

* The Irish divided the island into North and South and are setting up a
distillery.

* The American woman keeps ranting about the true nature of feminism, how she
can do everything that men can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the
equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her
opinions and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is
improving. The two American men have joined the Polish men who are swimming out
to sea.

/pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

p.s. I wonder why Lenny Kravitz insists on singing to the American Woman! :shrug:
/pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Florus]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

un cinese scende alla stazione centrale di bologna e chiede:
- mi scusi emilia lomagna?
- se lo magna non lo so, ma lo suchia di sicuro...
:wink:

 

[Iness]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Ways to turn men down :lol:

HE: can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face likeyours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!

HE: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake
twice!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Your face must turn a few heads!
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your
wildest dreams.