Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

on the death bed, husband tells his wife

H: it's been great going through life together, all these 67 years; one thing i want to know?
W: what is it?
H: have you ever betrayed me?
W: only three times, dear, but it was really important
H: oh, i'm sorry to hear that, can you tell me why?

W: do you remember when your boss was going to fire you because of that mistake that cost the company half a million dollars?
H: yes
W: well, i fixed it with him and he gave you a promotion instead

H: OK. and the second time?
W: remember when you left that bucket on the roof and the wind dropped it and hit our neighbor on the head? the jury was going to find you guilty and you'd have a criminal record. only five people were going to say "not guilty"
H: yes
W: i fixed it that the other seven decided not guilty

H: OK. and the third time?
W: remember when you wanted to be elected mayor, but you had only 49% of the votes? ...

 

[romeo]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Sapete perchè i carabinieri hanno scritto carabinieri sulle porte??????????????


se no entrerebbero dal cofanno!! /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

The Classes Most Women Want their Men to Take

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders? Round-table discussion.
3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.
5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. Helpline and support groups.
6. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
7. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
8. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
9. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
10. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions offered.

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

The Classes Most Men Want their Women to Take

1. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
2. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
3. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet too
4. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
5. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
7. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
8. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
9. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
10. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
11. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
12. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have
13. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women notice
14. TV Remotes: For Men Only

 

[TDSH]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off
the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She goes
completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The
husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain
the toy... if you explain the kids."

 

[TranofiljA]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Iraqis this time and one blonde with big boobs.
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would
worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezin under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
'Hey,' he called. 'I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?
'Yes. Come and join us,' they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. 'What else do you wild rabbits do?' he asked.
'Well,' one of them said. 'You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.'
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, 'What else do you do?'
'You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well.'
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. 'Is there anything else you guys do?' he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. 'There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there,' he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. 'They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it.'
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.
'That was fantastic,' he panted.
'So are you going to live with us then?' one of them asked.
'I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't.'
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. 'Why? We thought you liked it here.'
'I do,' our friend replied. 'But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette.'

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

After marrying a young filly, a ninety-year old geezer told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor.
"An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella.
Suddenly, a bear charged him.
Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."

"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed. Somebody else must have shot that bear!" "Exactly," replied the doctor!

 

[Darien]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:
1) religion
2) royalty
3) sex
4) suspense


The prize-winning essay read:

"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

 

[Archi]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

American History 101

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

"Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death' ?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki's

"Patrick Henry 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said '...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"

Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Suzuki raised his hand: "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point a student said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?"

Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Suzuki yells, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.

One of the kids says, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"

Suzuki says, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."

 

[Archi]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.

 

[Never Alone]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Definition of the Kiss

Prof. of Algebra: kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry: kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Chemistry: kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Physiology: kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry: kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Statistics: kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36

Prof. of Philosophy: kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of Engineering What is a kiss?

 

[Never Alone]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.

She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant down-sizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East." See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for...a good mate"

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."

 

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Fillimisht postuar nga TranofiljA:
[qb] President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Iraqis this time and one blonde with big boobs.
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would
worry about the 140 million Iraqis!" [/qb]

Mi perkthe pak fjalet e Bushit se nuk i kuptova...dmth rrjeshtat e fundit /pf/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Djalepopulli]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would
worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Bushi kthehet nga powell dhe i thote:
E shikon ti qe me hiqesh bythe e zgjuar?
Asnjeri nuk can koken per 140 milione irakene.

 

[Hermesss]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

British wear Red. What about French?

A little known fact ...
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him. The French general asked, Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?
In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear brown pants!

 

[Ela_001]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

q:Why do jewish people have double glazing at home?
a:So that their kids wont hear the ice cream van.

Q;Why do jewish people have a big nose?
A:Because the air is free.

 

[lil-butterfly]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The Teacher fainted.

 

[Archi]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

1- Wie misst man die Geschwindigkeit der Juden?

- Schornsteinhöhe mal Windrichtung.


2- Ein Türke und ein Marokkaner fahren zusammen. Wer fährt das Auto?

- Die Polizei.


3- Wie lange braucht eine türkische Frau den Müll rauszubringen?

- 9 Monate.


4- Was ist eine verstopfte Leitung?

- Juden auf der Flucht.

 

[Archi]

Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

You Might Be A Republican If...


You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You answer to "The Man."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You're afraid of the liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.